Edit: This article was written about 4 years ago
I checked all the boxes. I have a degree, experiences abroad and a working background. Yet, I used to dread the moment I would get asked what I want to do in life. When you are abroad and looking for a job, that question pops up almost every-single-day. It’s exhausting because it feels like a constant reminder that you need one.
I never had a clear idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I’ve always sort of freestyled my way through it. The only plans that I would stick to were the ones that involved living in another country. But once you’re finally abroad and have somewhat settled there, you can’t escape the big question anymore : “What is it that you want to do with your life?”. Here’s what used to mostly happened when the question popped.
- I would say :“I don’t know” and I would get the look. You know, the one that says :”How in the world can you NOT know?”. OR,
- I would awkwardly try to depict my blurry vision…and every single time felt I was back to being 12. Like I was at school and my teacher had asked me a question, but I was taking too long to answer. I could tell the teacher was assuming I hadn’t done my homework. (It’s a nasty kind of pressure).
Except, I did do my homework. And I want to articulate that very clearly. I did my homework. But I am constantly changing my mind.
In my early twenties, it was well perceived to say that I was undecided about my future. People would reminisce about their own struggle and tell me not to worry. In my late twenties, it didn’t happen so much anymore. Slowly but surely, I had started to grow ashamed of my lack of clarity. I was amazed by people who were so clearly able to state : “I love my job. I never want to do anything else”. I was amazed, but not envious.
To me, the trickiest part hasn’t been figuring out what I like and dislike. The trickiest part has been figuring out if this will always be that way. You know the saying :”never say never” ? This one fits me too well. The more I grow up, the more I seem to be interested in things that I used to hate. Figuring out what I want to do in life is like scrolling through youtube videos. There are so many things that look interesting. I just keep opening tabs to watch them all.
But how do I articulate that to people ?
I realized that I had been trying to navigate through the conversations without having to explain myself. To start by saying that I don’t know wasn’t showing my brightest side. I was trying to fit in a box, but I realized I didn’t have to. The things that make you a grown up, like having a job, an apartment, a car, a baby… You know, all those milestones that send a sign of stability to others ? They do not feel as important to my identity and they do not fit my definition of stability or success or fulfillment for that matter.
So instead of bending the truth to fit the typical accepted answer, I’ve challenged it by sticking to my truth. There are actually a TON of things I want to do. The answer was never that I didn’t know. It’s just that I had too many answers. I was trying to pick a movie on netflix in 30 seconds, but that never happens!
Lately, during conversations, I’ve been clearly stating my situation. And the conversation that I used to avoid went from terrifying to interesting. I don’t dread the moment I get asked this question anymore.
But how can you still make your way through an interview process?
Here are my bits of advice after some painful lonely moments trying to find the right words in front of heartless interviewers (who I totally understand. They want to hire someone for a specific position) :
- Big cliché ahead : stay true to you. Be you.
Figuring out your professional life is not an exact science. It’s okay to be unsure, but in order to come prepared for an interview, you have to put some serious thoughts into the simplest questions. I’ve learned that a lot of outcomes find their roots in your attitude. If you’ve done your work, the person in front of you will feel it.
Being you has its perks. It might actually help you find a workplace where your ways of seeing the world will fit in or be accepted.
We, as a society tend to act as if the majority, no matter what we are talking about, is always the righteous one. When you’re part of the minority, you doubt yourself. But, hey, sometimes you need to fight the urge to pull yourself out of a situation and find the courage to push yourself through it.
